Boob Covers!

My kids love to swim, so buying a new bathing suit is a big deal for them every year.  Now that ski season has closed, they are ready for pools everywhere to open.

Kenzie has been wanting a two piece bathing suit for some time now.  I've been holding out on her, but I have to admit they look pretty cute on little girls.  This year she talked her GiGi (grandma) into buying her one. 

You'll need a little history on this one.

Sometime ago, Kezie pointed to my bra and asked "Do I have to wear one of those (she searches for the right word) boob covers when I get older?".  It was cute until we were in a department store one day (I think she was 4 at the time), and she suddenly yelled with great excitement "MOM! LOOK! THEY'VE GOT BOOB COVERS JUST LIKE YOURS!".   Mortified that everyone around us now knew exactly which bra I wore, we quickly walked away.  Ever since then, I avoid the lingerie section like the plague when she is with me.  I have nightmares about her yelling out "MOM LOOK! PANTIES! JUST LIKE YOURS!!". 

SO, she was very excited this year when she came home to tell me about her new bathing suit. 

Her "MOM! GUESS WHAT? I got a new bathing suit!"
Me "What's it look like?"
Her "It's blue with yellow flowers"
Me "Oooh. Pretty!"
Her "Here's the best part! I have my own BOOB COVER and SKIRT! Isn't that great?"

She starts skipping around and singing "I've got a new boob cover! I've got a new boob cover!". Thankfully, she hasn't announced this in public...yet!

Just screwing around

So here's her latest convo in a string of posts I like to call "Nice Mouth Mackenzie!". At the rate she is developing her more "colorful" vocabulary, I'm going to have to rename the string "You kiss your mother with that mouth?" or "Conversation's that embarrassed a sailor".

Last weekend my in-laws came up to our house for dinner.  The boys (Papa (Grandpa), Hubs, and my son) went out to the driving range for golf while we girls worked on a Mother's Day photo collage.  When the boys returned home from their outing, we girls (I was in a sling so really it was my M.O.M doing the work while we watched) were out trimming the cherry tree.

Papa climbed out of the car, and spotting Mackenzie asked "Whatcha doing Bits?"
Mackenzie "Oh nuthin'.  Just screwing around"
Me (mouthing to my Father In Law with my eyes wide open in shock)  Oh my gosh! I cannot believe she SAID THAT!

Then I remembered, that in a moment of frustration a few days before, when both kids were deliriously tired and over the top silly, not listening to my gentle "please get into bed" requests, I said "You two need to stop screwing around and get into bed!".  Yep, that's right - it was ME - AGAIN - teaching her new colorful words.  Geez!!!!

Her take on how Mass went this week & her teacher's take on how it ACTUALLY went

Every Wednesday, my cherubs go to Mass at their Catholic school.  I have to admit, the thing I find the cutest is that they have to wear neck ties and cute little garnet sweater vests.  But I digress.

The little one struggles quite a bit with all activities that require sitting down - even eating. She would much rather hop, jump, skip or run at all times.  I honestly can't imagine where she could have gotten that from....  It should come as no surprise then, that mass is a bit challenging for her. 

Each Wednesday when I pick them up from school, I ask how their day went and how mass went.  This usually involves an explanation from Mackenzie as to what "wrong" she committed and how it led to her missing recess.  This week, as they piled in the car, her teacher said "I have to tell you a funny story about her snow boots sometime" He didn't seem concerned, so I wasn't either.

This is Mackenzie's take on what happened:

Jack "She had no complaints today!  She got to go to all of her recesses!" sadly this is the FIRST time she has earned all three recesses in one day.
Mackenzie "Wellllllllll, there was this one thing, Mom"

Insert BS excuse for why she got into trouble today.

She goes on "Well, you know how I have to sit by my teacher in mass?  Well today, I was sitting by him, and I started to scoot over to (insert friend's name here), and he told me not to.  That was all though."

Mmm-hmm, I'm sure that was ALL there was to it!

On Thursday night, their school had spaghetti night which they told me we just "had" to go to.  As we're wrapping up our dinner, her teacher comes down to sit next to us and share the story.

This is his take on what happened:

Me "She said she tried to scoot over to (insert name again), but you stopped her."

Him "She left out that (insert child's name again) was sitting on the OTHER side of the pew.  That's not the story though".

Him "Well, you know how she sits beside me in mass...you know, just in case.  Well, I look over and she is playing with the elastic on her snow boots.  I asked her to stop, and so she did.  For a minute.  Then it was time to stand up.  Usually, if she doesn't want to stand up, I gently tap her on the shoulder to get her to stand up.  But she still wouldn't stand up.  So I reached down to pull her up, but I'm feeling this...resistance.  A resistance beyond her not wanting to stand.  So I look down, and she has wrapped the elastic of her boots around and under the pews and she literally can't stand up.  So there I am, frantically trying to get them undone in the middle of mass.  Thankfully only the teachers noticed".

Yep - that's our Kenz.  The same one who managed to roll her own head up in my car window.  She's a special, special girl!

Mackenzie's Deep Thoughts on "fake hands"

A couple of nights ago, I picked up what I thought was a small, plastic bead - only to realize it was a broken glass bead - which resulted in a superficial cut across the tip of my finger.  Not a big deal, right?

Now I don't know about your cherubs, but at our house, the mere site of injury is cause for bringing out the little one's inner DRA-MA queen!  She demanded to know what happened.

I dismissed the incident as nothing...because I enjoy sleep that is uninterrupted.   And if any child's overactive imagination could turn a paper cut into a full fledged nightmare at 2 am, it would be hers.

But she wanted to know more.

I calmly explained what happened, and I thought I was free of night time drama.

But I wasn't.


Bed time rolled around... and then this happened...

"Mommy, can glass cut your hand off?"

...and we're off to the races!


Trying to head off a sleepless night for both of us, I opted for short, concise answers leaving no room for additional questions and explanations.

Or so I thought.


"No.  Glass can't cut your hand off"

"Is there such a thing as a fake hand?"

"Yes, but it's called a prosthetic"

Big words usually distract her...

But not this time.


"Mommy, how do you get a fake hand?  Do you just like, go to the store and pick one up?"

"No.  They have to make them for each person."


Satisfied with that answer, she became quiet.

Whew! 


Then...

"How do they keep it on your arm?"

"It depends on the type of prosthetic they use."

"Mommy, if my hand got cut off, would you get me a fake one?"

"Of course I would"


She took a moment to digest this while my hope for a peaceful night's sleep dwindled.


"Well, what if I had a fake hand, and I fell down at school, and I couldn't get up, and someone had to pull me up, and they accidentally pulled my hand off?  What then?"


...and I kissed the hope of sleeping good-bye!

Mackenzie on Revenge aka "Pay Backs"

So there I was, enjoying a few minutes of quiet in my nice hot bath, when the little one walks in.

"Mom...?" she pauses... sighs... pauses again for dramatic effect "this is the problem.  Today... at school... the kids were making fun of me because they said that I ate (insert another 5 year old child's name here) cheese stick, but I DIDN'T!"

She pauses again, then perks up and says "So you know what?" crosses her arms defiantly "It's time for pay backs!" (note to self - find the child's version of How to Win Friends and Influence People)

Me, innocently "What do you mean 'pay backs'?"

Her "You know...pay backs!  Like if a kid be's mean to me (don't you love it when kids say "be's" instead of "is"?), then I'll be mean back to them!  Like, if they kick someone, then you just...you know... (she has this incredulous look on her face as to WHY I don't know this) kick them back!" She didn't say 'Duh!' but I can hear it in her voice.

I'm still gathering my thoughts as to the best way to manage this situation, which she apparently interpreted as my being too stupid to understand what she is telling me.

She leans in, puts her hands on the side of the tub, makes very direct eye contact with me, slows her words down and says "Mom!  LI-STEN to my words!"

I'm struggling not to laugh because I'm always telling her to "LI-STEN to what I am saying".

"Like if a kid kicks you? You kick them back!" shrugs her shoulders to emphasize the simpleness of her point.  "If they kick you again, you just kick them back - but harder than what they kicked you!  It's paybacks! See?"

Don't you feel bad for the first boy who tries to kiss her?

What about Joseph?

Both of our kids started Catholic school this year.  As a result, our household conversations have changed just a bit.  

For instance, our oldest, Jack (age 7), said after one week in school "All we do is pray, pray, pray!  We pray when school starts. We pray in the morning.  We pray at lunch.  We go out to recess, and then (pauses for effect) WE PRAY SOME MORE!".  Me "It's Catholic school honey.  There's bound to be prayers".

Our youngest, Mackenzie (who turned 5 today), had a different take on Catholic school.  "Mom, I know I'm not supposed to say Jesus (as in "JE-SUS, Mom!") at our house, but at school, I get to say it alllllllll I want".  Always looking for the angle, that one. 

Last night, I overhead the following religious debate between our two kids. 

Jack "Mom and Dad know everything!"
Mackenzie (authoritarian tone) "Only Mary and Jesus know everything"
Jack counters with "What about Joseph?"
Mackenzie, with a suspicious tone of voice "Joseph?...I don't know about him (he's suspect)".

The Beginning

For some time now, I've been posting 'Conversation's with Mackenzie' on Facebook (FB).  It started when she turned 4.  I know some people refer to ages 2 and 3 as the "Terrible 2's" or the "Terrible 3's".  We thought ages 2 and 3 were rough, and then we met 4! Around our house, we refer to age 4 as the "F-ing 4's". 

Laughter has always been my go to strategy for rough times, and rather than being continually irritated by the little one's desire to challenge everything, I decided to focus on the really funny things she says and does.  Hence, Convo's w/ Mackenzie (age 4) was born.  Occasionally, I get to post 'Convo's w/Jack' but I have to do those on the down low.  So shhhhhhh. 

It's been a pretty funny year of posts with the little one. After reading several posts, everyone tells me "You really need to write a book". I don't have time to write said book though.  I'm writing a blog instead.  Check back often for more Convo's with the little one.

In the meantime, here's today's funny - which should technically go under my other string of posts "Nice Mouth Mackenzie".

Mackenzie, after dinner tonight "I have a tummy ache, but a nice fart with take care of that!"  Yep, that's my dainty little girl.